The Secret Codex Of The Spoiler Boards
What Is This MESS?
It was the time of Angels, devils and conspiracies. As we approached the penultimate S2 episode, the spoilers forum had become the home of the prediction minded, the theologically minded and the simple minded. Survivor Sucks had made its reputation during S1 with an uncanny string of accurate predictions. At the beginning of S2, no one was predicting the order of bootees. Some blamed a lack of spoilers. Some blamed the death of the original spoiler boards. Some even blamed Survivor Sucks.
Now, with the conclusion rapidly approaching, we had predictions from Jesus, Ellipsiiis, and the Boston Herald. We also had the rambling posts of Seraphaem and his minions. Everyone wanted a piece of the act.
No matter how stringently we moderated the spoilers forum, it was obvious that it would never return to the glory days of making accurate predictions. The new champion in that arena was Ellipsiiis. The mysterious cabal had correctly predicted every bootee since the merge. Six in a row. There were rumors swirling about a secret source, purloined episode summaries and even a satellite feed in Nova Scotia.
Nothing could stir up EZ like discussions about Ellipsiiis. Of course it didn’t help that they played Fantasy Outback and, with the exception of two teams, were kicking everyone’s ass. Of course it also didn’t help that the team roster gave everyone a list of known Ellipsiiis members and these known members would at times appear on EZ and roil the waters.
One theory about Ellipsiiis that was often overlooked was they obviously lived in a world with little noise. They didn’t weather daily assaults from Seraphaem, Kronoshedron and their ilk. If you could cut out the background noise, you might have a chance at matching their predictions.
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Most believed that Ellipsiiis couldn’t be beaten. One man thought differently. To beat them, you must duplicate their methods.
Beefjerky started a thread in the Spoilers forum called MESS Tribal Council. MESS was an acronym for Mini Ellipsiiis Survivor Spoilers. His theory was that he couldn’t keep the noise out of the entire spoiler forum but he could damn sure keep it out of one thread. Like a well-aimed rifle wielded by a Zen marksman, the MESS would take a shot at unseating Ellipsiiis.
At the same time MESS was born, I was closely watching another thread begin to take off. I honestly don’t know what the original post said since by the time I took note of it the author, Jitensha, had edited. She felt the need to explain just what the hell a CBT was. CBT stood for Conspiracy Bust Trust. Another play on the well-known Ellipsiiis moniker. With the proliferation of predictions, storyline theories and conspiracies, the inhabitants of CBT became the official skeptics of the Spoiler forum. They didn’t give a crap about anyone and would attempt to tear holes in everything. They went after Ellipsiiis with a vengeance. They absolutely tore through the Angel / Demon contingent. In fact, the only group that they seemed to have a genuine respect for was their new neighbor, The MESS. I guess I shouldn’t make them sound too vicious since they conducted most of their meetings in a state of drunkenness.
Cyber drinking has always fascinated me. I mean, how many of these people are actually drinking the concoctions they are posting about? My guess would be few since I have seen the results of a viciously drunk poster. Most of the people on CBT were far too lucid to be drunk in real life, but they certainly had a good time. They were definitely the party thread. They were also very chatty and had rapidly pushed their thread up into Uncle Camerman territory. We had set a precedent with the Uncle that once a thread reached a certain girth we would not shut it down. We really had no choice but to leave CBT alone and there really was some very good spoiling happening deep in its guts.
The Angels and Devils were becoming more than an annoyance. Seraphaem apparently had friends. Soon other vaguely biblical names began showing up. Abraxas, Asomdeus and the ever so subtle, AndGodSpoke. What really drove us crazy, especially Beefjerky, was that we could tell they didn’t have a clue about what was going to happen, but their posts were tantalizing mysteries. They were littered with references to secret sources and mysterious workings all wrapped in layers of hints, allegations and bible verse. When one would appear, the spoilers would flock to it in droves. Half would try to solve the puzzle; the other half would assault the author as just another hoaxer. It was a tremendous waste of energy.
We had seen no real skirmishes in the Board Wars for several days. It tended to pop up on show days when Ellipsiiis published their predictions and on days when the mainstream press wrote articles mentioning the group, but other than that the topic was mostly quiet. We made every effort to keep the focus on spoiling Survivor and not spoiling Ellipsiiis. Nearby, however, the war raged and was daily becoming more vicious. Every mention by the press and every new prediction led to new accusations of sources, cheating and charges of misconduct. In some lands, I was being very publicly trashed. Vanillaslave, now banned from her homeland, was leading the charge on that front. She accused me of lying, being a pawn for the Ellipsiiis board and causing her demise. Her posts were vicious and her story unfounded. I spoke to her in private but she would not back off. She was convinced that I was part of the grand conspiracy and that I along with it must be brutalized. I once considered her a close friend. After the brutality of her posts in other lands, she became a charter member of a very short list of people that I neither trusted nor liked.
On 4-25, posts began popping up asking what had happened to survivornews.net. Survivornews.net was one of several Survivor resource boards and it was a known fact that it was run by DeepKangaroo. It reported practically everything that happened regarding Survivor. It had also been involved in reporting elements of the board war. I achieved a little notoriety once the site published one of my posts from EZ. I lost my temper one day and commanded all the board war guerillas to get the hell off the board. Survivornews.net was an intergral part of the survivor community and its sudden disappearance was certainly newsworthy to the EZ citizens.
DeepKangaroo appeared shortly after the demise of his website. Understandably he was upset and explained that he was having server problems. With the accusations of DOS attacks, hacking and other mischief flying around, this was not welcome news to me either. I knew it would stir up more conspiracy theories and more board war nonsense.
April 26 would be the penultimate S2 episode. It was also shaping up to be the ultimate spoiler showdown. We watched and we prepared for the night of Spoiler Armageddon.
When the big three came down with their predictions, everyone knew something was up in spoilerville. For the first time in four weeks, the Boston Herald, Jesus and Ellipsiiis picked different bootees.
Jesus hitched his wagon to Colby. During his radio broadcast, the mysterious messiah seemed unsure of himself. Dan and Scott had to practically threaten him to force him to make a prediction. He did eventually, but several days later than he normally did.
The Boston Herald had a right to crow. Weeks before, they had predicted that Elisabeth would make the final four and now she had. Many would be happy to sit on that laurel but once you are hooked on the prediction game, no treatment program in the world will keep you from making that next step. Boldly, stepping into the abyss, The Boston Herald selected Keith as the next to go.
Finally, Ellipsiiis posted its prediction. Everyone in board land liked Elisabeth. Since the ouster of Rodger, she was the one contestant that I think everyone secretly wanted to win. Maybe it was this deep seeded affection that blinded people to the obvious weakness of her position as the last Ogakor. Ellipsiiis picked America’s sweetheart to get the boot.
Three spoilers entered. One would leave. Going into the final show there would be a single undisputed champion of prediction.