Laptakan Phrase Book Volume 1

This section was contributed by ALKABONG

Lapatkian…. pronounced: la-pat-key-an…..the language spoken by Lapatkans

Lapatkans….pronounced: la-pat-cans….the dwellers of Hobietopia

Hobietopia….pronounced: Ho-bee-to-pee-ya
…alternately pronounced: Ho-bee-toe-pee-ya…the name of this kinder, gentler (ya, right!) New Board

Hobie…. pronounced: Hobie….the founder and CEO of this place

Hobietopian Hinterland Who's Who…. not yet prounounced…… a Lapatkan/Canadian co-production of an old SSBoard classic, wherein dwellers of this place are rigorously classified and subclassified by GBIAD (local author and pundit and sometime pornographer)

Welcome…. pronounced: well-cum….. the BuBaBu wanna be of Hobietopia… please feel free to sign this guestbook, or to just drop off any of your otherwise unwanted trash for recycling. A good place to "See and Be Seen"

BuBaBu…. pronounced: BurnBabyBurn…. the Rosetta Stone of the now almost extinct SS Sucks Board Tribe

SS Sucks Board…. pronounced: Too bad, so sad…. the homeland of most Lapatkans

Null Sets…. pronounced: oh come on, you don't need help with this one do you?…… These are threads that receive no responses. To be avoided where possible as the attainment of too many of these will stigmatize you on the Board… they can produce a real sense of alienation. Null set pacts of mutual protection are a common occurance now, but there is no known vaccination or cure for the condition.

Double "O"…. we don't like to pronounce this one…. In a desparate attempt to avoid seeing a zero beside their thread on Page 2, the poster of a potential Null Set responds to their own post. This strategy is also employed by those posters that think people didn't see their post the first time and are just giving us a second chance to view the contents of their opus (I once knew a cat named Opus). This is a particularily shameless form of self-bumping. Board statisticians are fulfilled when they find one…. you've been warned OK?

Multiple Null Sets…. this is a variation where a poster repeatedly starts threads of the same or similar name…. we don't know why… but a good example is currently available over on the Other Board… see poster SunnyFlorida187

Thread Killer…. pronounced just like it sounds (duh)… The last poster to a thread that exists beyond page 2 of the Board… excluding of course Null Sets and Double "0"s. This is actually a desirable accomplishment and no doubt reflects the average poster's desire to have the last word on every topic every frickin time around here. Many compete for the coveted title of Thread Killer.

Multiples…. pronounced primarily by SurviveThis, but not exclusively or so we think… The strategy employed by some posters to allow them to do one of the following (this is multiple choice here):
- express different facets of their personality
- talk to themselves without others knowing
- Ambor themselves without others knowing
- try to avoid Null Sets without others knowing
- become their own Thread Killer without others knowing
…. the problem is that most of us know, OK?

Amboring…. pronounced: am-boring (pretty self-explanitory really)…derived from the name of a Survivor castaway (remember Survivor?) known to follow Jerri everywhere and in all things. This verb is applied to the act of one poster frequently posting immediately after another poster on a frequent basis usually out of friendliness or love…. its called: Flaming when done out of hate or disgust.

Survivor…. pronounced: Sir Vivor (like the race horse)
alternately pronounced: Serve Ivor (like the European Butler Training Academy)…. No one here really likes Survivor, but watching it is the price of admission for participating in a meaningful way in the life of Hobietopia. Lately, however, the word is used less and less frequently in postings leading some to theorize that you can sneak in here without paying and have fun and not get caught. This theory has been sorely tested by a Hiatus-hernia.

Centurion………some one who jumps into a thread with nothing on topic to add, just to get the 100th posting on that thread

Trey…..a triple "O"…..the initial post and 2 follow-ups that still don't get responses…that one is really rare. The only one I remember seeing is by our favourite SunnyFlorida…now buried deep in the back pages of Old Board.
Happy Hour… time between 2 p.m. (5 p.m. East Coast Time) and 5 p.m. (8:00 p.m.) Day shift posters are winding up their work postings, grabbing a drink(s) and posting in flurries before heading home… creates the situation known as Gangbanging described by local author and sometime pornographer GBIAD below.

Prime Time (Evening shift posters): There's nothin' worth watchin' on TV again, may as well dial up Hobietopia and see what the Lapatkans are up to… those funny, crazy, wacky, bunch of wankers!

S.O.B. …This term refers to the Sucks Old Board. It can be used in sentences in the following way:
We don't have any moderators here, the moderators are all S.O.B.'s

Shut the fuck up…. Pronounced: sssshhhuuuuuutttt the ffffuuuuuuuuuccccckkkkk up…. This phrase is used as part of the warm up ritual of a flaming war…. it is analagous to the bell being rung at the start of round one in a boxing match….It really signifies the start of a new battle of contenders for the title of fastest, most prolific poster on the board, a new category hoping to be established in the next round of Board statistics Olympics. Its appearance in a post is almost guaranteed to keep board bystanders refreshing their screens every 30 seconds for at least the next half hour

Emoticonal instability….. pronounced: :) … sometimes the most creative Lapatkans are known to give free range to their feelings and the board becomes unstable……….

Edited for lurkers benefit :)

Thread killing…the finer points of the sport
Thread-Killing is an oft misunderstood term I fear. Being the last to answer a thread is not quite the victory it seems. To be a True Thread-Killer there are certain requirements.
1. The originator of the post has to be expecting the thread to actually stay on topic. There has to be an actual purpose to their post.
2. There must be at least some effort by others to stay on topic and give the post some validity.
3. There must be an actual attempt to Kill the Thread by a person or group of persons.
A True Thread Killer does not necessarily have to have the last post on the thread for that is not their goal. Their goal is the utter and complete devastation of the original posters intent. A Master Thread Killer will not only eradicate completely any chance of recovering the thread but will also turn the the originating poster into a shattered heap of soiled, spineless flesh, so humilated they leave the messageboard never to return again.

To see a fine example of such a rare event go the forum marked ARCHIVES go to page 10 then go to the 21st post on the page, titled 'Nilla , oh 'nilla with thread originator being lexalicious854. Watch as the evil Triumverate of Jedi Master Thread Killers The Poster formerly known as Prince , Alkabong, and incrediblegobstopper, weave our web of wickedness to annihilate lexalicious854; her last words uttered being

This is my last reply to this thread, all the MP shit is making it not worth my time. If you have a serious comment, please e-mail me (moc.liamtoh|ixedabixel#moc.liamtoh|ixedabixel) L.F.

But be wary! This is a destructive power of untold fury, only to be unleashed in the most drastic of situations!

Shurkers: Lurkers who have become posters, but who haven't yet hosted their own thread… only responded to others.

Boardom……..mental state that some longtime posters reach which leads them to emigrate to the "real" world

Double Null ………..also known as Whoa, Nully; Null and Nuller and No No…….with the advent of "viewing" statistics Lapatkians have the ability to see how many people are snooping on a thread without actually posting there. A Double Null was now possible…This is a thread to which no one posts a response, AND, no one goes in to view it either… hence the two zeros:
0 responses……….0 views………

The Jargon Dictionary : Terms : The N Terms : nerd

nerd n.
1. [mainstream slang] Pejorative applied to anyone with an above-average IQ and few gifts at small talk and ordinary social rituals.
2. [jargon] Term of praise applied (in conscious ironic reference to sense 1) to someone who knows what's really important and interesting and doesn't care to be distracted by trivial chatter and silly status games.

Compare the two senses of computer geek. The word itself appears to derive from the lines "And then, just to show them, I'll sail to Ka-Troo / And Bring Back an It-Kutch, a Preep and a Proo, / A Nerkle, a Nerd, and a Seersucker, too!" in the Dr. Seuss book "If I Ran the Zoo" (1950).

(The spellings ‘nurd’ and ‘gnurd’ also used to be current at MIT, where ‘nurd’ is reported from as far back as 1957.) How it developed its mainstream meaning is unclear, but sense 1 seems to have entered mass culture in the early 1970s (there are reports that in the mid-1960s it meant roughly "annoying misfit" without the connotation of intelligence).

An IEEE Spectrum article (4/95, page 16) once derived ‘nerd’ in its variant form ‘knurd’ from the word ‘drunk’ backwards, but this bears all the hallmarks of a bogus folk etymology.

Hackers developed sense 2 in self-defense perhaps ten years later, and some actually wear "Nerd Pride" buttons, only half as a joke. At MIT one can find not only buttons but (what else?) pocket protectors bearing the slogan and the MIT seal.

Board wars:
Seems like board life has many parallels with real life…. seems that there are always reasons to go forth and explore new worlds, find new experiences, leave the familiar behind. Utopias are, after all , populated by real people who have real feelings and respond in real ways to tensions and situations; and by people who want to remake the virtual world closer to their own image of perfection….Hobietopia has begat offspring, in much the same way the S.O.B.'s begat Hobietopia.
But just like in real life, some of the children don't leave home for good. They call occasionally, they visit, they help out around the old homestead; others have severed the umbilical completely and never want to look back. Reality sucks, or does it?
Peoples are people after all .

Bi-boardal:…………..pronounced: bye bored-al… This is a situation where two or more posters have become "regulars" on more than one board in the EZBoard community….It is most evident when obscure or funny references are posted amongst themselves on one board but are referring to happenings that took place on another board… leaving most of the non-bi-boardal posters completely in the dark. The end result being that the bi-boardal posters feel cheered, not realizing that the non-bi-boardals are thinking the bi-boardals are loosing their grip. Tri-boardal??? these references are completely incomprehensible to the straight, monogamous posters. Kinky vox.

Announcements:…………..prounounced: eh-noun-cements…..Occasionally on the board a poster does a little personal information striptease. The purpose is a little unclear, but I think it is generally accepted that this is prompted by a sincere desire to belong to the community and is presented as a gift to other posters. Sometimes the gift is too much generous sharing, or is seen as an offering that is a little too late, or is seen as something done for the wrong reasons. In present giving and present receiving there is no accounting for taste….problem is, on the board you can't return the gift for a refund.

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