Introduction and Early Years (2003-2004)
ColbyRulesAll (common abbrv: CRA) is a straight, married 49-year-old male living in the northern suburbs of Chicago, Illinois. He first came to Survivor Sucks in October, 2003 during the Survivor: Pearl Islands season. Initially strictly a lurker, he began posting in Survivor related forums in December of 2003 shortly before the PI finale. He remained strictly a Survivor related poster during the ASS season, gravitating mostly to the Speculation forum.
During the summer of 2004, between All-Stars and Vanuatu, CRA began frequenting the Off Topic forum at Sucks. While at first remaining strictly a lurker, he became fascinated at this incredible forum that was so much more intresting than Survivor itself[Citation needed]. From that point on, CRA began to make OT his primary internet hangout. During the Survivor: Vanuatu season, CRA continued to post in Speculation, mainly in the Edgic thread. Nonplussed by the refusal of others to share his devout belief that the editing showed Chris to be the winner, he quit posting in Speculation for good following that season's end.
The 2005 Baseball Season Thread
In early January 2005, CRA began his most well-known thread. Disgusted by myriad threads of mostly pointless bickering between Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees fans, he started The 2005 Baseball Season Thread, a self-described place to "post predictions, talk about our teams, bitch and moan about prima dona players, etc". While sports threads had been around the OT forum since its inception, this was likely the first time someone had begun a thread for a specific entire season. Fellow baseball fans at OT began frequenting the thread and helped keep it near page 1 all season long.
Early on during the Spring Training season, CRA became quite confident of the team the Chicago White Sox had put together for that season. A die-hard fan of the White Sox, he began to sense that they might be contenders for a championship if they could get a few breaks, he was sure they had the pitching that could take them a long way. He shared his thoughts with the other posters, but was mostly told he was delusional. In one memorable exchange, CRA stated "WHAT WILL IT TAKE YOU TO BELIEVE THIS IS A GOOD TEAM???" and received the reply, "the 2005 world champion chicago white sox".
After sprinting out to a large lead by August, the Sox nearly blew the division to the Cleveland Indians but recovered to not only win the division but the AL Pennant and the World Series as well. About 2 weeks after the World Series, the thread was moved from the OT forum to Monster Island, giving CRA his brightest moment at Survivor Sucks.[No source][Submitted for deletion]
Splinterverse Wanderings (2005-2006)
For a time, CRA became a full-fleged participant in the Splinterverse world. Initally unable to decide where he liked posting best between The Adminisphere, Board Name Goes Here and Island of Sardonica, he made several blunders and ended up persona non grata at the first two. In late 2005, CRA was made an Administrator at IoS by AshBender. He proceeded to update the look and feel of the board and eliminated all previous changes made by UNGH when he was an Admin. Knowing that IoS would need something to keep posters coming back, CRA drew upon his friendship with Vanillaslave and invited her to make IoS her hangout. She agreed, somewhat reluctantly, and began posting there almost exclusively.
In early 2006, CRA made Vanillaslave an Administrator at IoS. In February 2006, he was removed as an Admin by AshBender following an incident of "abuse of admin powers". He was banned at IoS a few months later, mainly because he refused to stop complaining about the incident, but also because he would not follow the requests of the IoS admins. During many of his rants throughout the splinters, CRA alienated people en masse. In fact, most people had still not even noticed CRA more than in passing, but when he went stark-raving ranty, CRA sealed his fate in the Splinterverse as a non-entity. He was unbanned in late 2007 by Foobarb, and returned for a while, then left when IoS became an MBA board. Following Vanillaslave's exit from IoS in August, 2008 they once again became public and CRA became a member again.
CRA was also known to hang out at Public Bored until that site's unexpected closing. He now hangs out exclusively at Cattle And Bacon and OT.
The truth of the matter is, CRA is probably overestimating his importance (none) and his contributions (next to none) to the Splinterverse. In fact, he is pretty much a non-entity and one of the biggest thread-killers around.
A Familiar Face at OT and Elsewhere (2006-Present)
Since being banned at IoS, CRA has returned to full-fleged participation in the zany, offbeat, zoo-like atmosphere of Off Topic on a consistent basis. While the easiest place to find him is usually in a sports thread, he is known to pop into almost any topic and offer up his particular brand of bullshit. His favorite thread of all time at Sucks is YOU'RE LIQUIFIED BITCH, a thread composed mostly of extraneous non sequiturs and one which he contributed to generously. He gets along with nearly everyone except the various incarnations of Urban Center, whom he despises for his sheer stupidity and arrogance.
CRA is heavily into Fantasy Sports at Yahoo! and usually tries to organize a fantasy league at OT for whichever sport is in season. It fits in well with the loser geek persona he appeares to have. Other hobbies include writing his life story on the Splinterverse Wiki and failing to understand that no one gives a flying fuck about him. In fact they wish he would just GO AWAY.
As the years go by many posters continue to call for CRA to leave OT for good, saying he brings nothing to the table except his fat ass. CRA's response was to create a vacation thread chock-full-o-pictures beginning with his 2009 trip to Savannah, Georgia. He periodically bumps the thread and adds more photos to it as he takes various vacations, annoying most of the Ruling Class at OT.
In early 2014 a new Meme was created that involved posting anything about CRA and referencing being "fired from Walmart".
CRA's very wiki bio that you are reading is often posted by Eurytol and others, occasionaly with names and certain passages changed.
CRA made his 10,000th post at Survivor Sucks on May 27, 2009. As of January 2014 he was up to just over 17,200.
In late May 2014, CRA went off his rocker again, making weakly veiled threats to people and showing an incomprehensible amount of emotion over a poster's call for "death to celiac sufferers". It is believed the men in white coats came to take him away.
CRA's pitiful existence almost came to a sudden end on Saturday, July 12 2014. While on vacation, driving along the New Jersey Turnpike, CRA fell asleep at the wheel and crashed into a Walmart semi-trailer, nearly killing himself, his wife and the driver of the semi. A wake was held in OT, but it turned into a food thread after approximately 7 posts. Nedloh3 gave the eulogy, which lasted 5 seconds, but the party kept going for months. CRA managed to recover but has been brain-dead ever since (if he even had one in the first place!).
2016 Death of Nightcrawler
CRA continued his trend of being the lamest poster in the 'Verse when in December 2016, "beloved" poster Nightcrawler passed away after a battle with toaster strudel, and CRA came running into OT all retard-like so proud to be the one to tell everyone about it. Refusing to take the hint that no one wants to be near him, he even went so far as to create a Facebook group composed of Sucks D-Listers. His ineptness came forward and within 24 hours managed to turn the group into a tribute to cum-stained pioneer TC, at which point everyone abandoned him yet again to his favorite pastimes: competitive dog fondling and updating his Spinterverse wiki.
Quotes about CRA
why don't you STFU CRA. YOU are the clueless one - Loki
Well duh. I may be annoying but I'm not stupid! - ColbyRulesAll
I liked CRA better when he spent all his time updating his wiki bio. - Sloansalad
Plus, you WILL set your house on fire. I don't know you well, but I know you well enough to know that the black cloud that lives over your head WILL cause a 2 alarmer. - TC
i have been informed via pm that cra works at walMART not walGREENs, to which I say, potato, etc. - NAA
Actually I just don't feel like being your personal wikipedia. - azsidsgirl
CRA will have updated his wiki seventeen more times. - Eurytol
maybe you should quit this board in protest. - Baby Please